Idioma

Over the last ten years since I got my high school diploma
This pain has grown inside of me like a malignant carcinoma
Alive but not fully living, like a zombie or a conscious coma
The anxiety used to make my blood swell up like a hematoma
Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, like it's all melanoma
Made it harder to breath, as if I had developed mesothelioma
Everything turn's to grey, like a kaleidoscope with no chroma
When you're so numb, you wonder why you can't smell the aroma
The enervation made me question the efficacy of my genoma
Trapped behind a wall until I broke through with this idioma

All the years that this life of mine has been a solitary one
A weight on my shoulders measured by the scale of metric ton
Afflicted with altered perceptions of sex, happiness, and fun
From a single parent's sexuality of an uptight, celibate nun
Twenty eight years without any significant other to call hun
The extortion of my sacrifices left me with nowhere to run
Atmosphere of immaturity and ignorance that led me to shun
Detaching myself to let the days of my past be over and done
And now the long process of starting over has finally begun
I'm not the land of Japan but now I'll become the rising son

For so long I've lived as someone not who I'd prefer to be
It's no way to live your life, anyone would certainly agree
With my eyes not really open, too much I just could not see
Retreating so far into myself, I became such a dormant tree
Lost inside my own head every time I let myself pay the fee
And I'm so distant from the foreign land of less than three
But now it's time to clean out the melange of mental debris
I'll set myself loose, let myself live to a higher degree
Let the dopamine release, to transcend anxiety is the key
If you've got shit to say, be prepared to fear my repartee